in the state we are

Sometimes, it’s frustrating how we can be an agent of change, either in a good way or a bad way, but we often choose to be a negative influence. Just with everyday life, in work, in play, in education, a person more senior can often be not the best example, whether they are aware of it or not.

What am I ranting about you say?

The system in Malaysia, often is not a good catalyst for positive growth. Being a junior doctor, to put in the clearest manner: kind of sucks. Why? Because everyone treats you like an infant. Not even a cute infant, but an irritating ugly beast of some sort.

Okay. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but the fact that there are so many rules and regulations of what can and cannot be done, irks me. For example, why can’t a junior doctor refer cases to other departments? Even if I were new, and to the point of comment that new doctors don’t know why they refer cases, can’t be something else be done so that we DO know how or why we are referring cases? I’ve studied 5 hard long years, admittedly, I don’t know everything, but surely those 5 years count for something?

I don’t mind the harshness, I don’t mind being the scoldings, as long as I get to learn.

My biggest question is this, if I’m not given the opportunity to learn, either by mistake (but not to the point of killing someone in the process) or by everyday work, when am I going to learn? Surely no one expects a sudden upgrade in knowledge as soon as they’ve become senior doctors?

Rant, complaint, or me being noisy, whatever one may want to call it, but I’m most dissatisfied with this system, because I think it does not create an avenue proper for learning.

BUT then again, what do I know? I’m the junior doc.

Are you victorious?

you know you are…

overworked in the hospital

when…

you go home and still wonder how the patient is doing. For my dear friend, he even called back the ward to make sure that the patient got a stool culture and sensitivity done. Bravo to him for caring so much for the patient! (no sarcasm intended)

you wonder what’s the best way to do an ABG or venopuncture or even set a branula

all you can talk about is the patients that come in, or how is working with your fellow colleagues

you start describing people by age/race/gender and what they are known for

you spend in the hospital more hours then you do anywhere else. Including hours of sleep.

To all future docs out there, are you sure you still want to be a doctor?

another sunday

Just another sunday. As I sit down and listen to music, and I gather my thoughts after a long (actually short, cause it was quick with all the work), I still wonder some days, what am I doing here.

No honestly, as I sink into the Malaysian hospital system, I am distressed by the way work is done, or how the jobs are divided. Can any doctor truly practice medicine with all the scut work that’s available for doctors to do?

To look at the bright side of things, some would say, at least you are learning to do procedures etc.

True, in the case of being hurled into some jungle hospital, at least I will be able to survive by myself. But how many people do actually want to go to the deep deep jungles to practice medicine. I guess, in this country, you may not have a choice.

On to more cheerful things, I’ve at least recovered sleep for the week, and am ready for another. All the nights on call, when I’m the only one running the wards. My question is, do they really trust me THAT much? A ward of 40 patients, and just me to decide how to keep them alive over one night. :S

Another thing is, I’m trying to look for a house to move out to. Staying in the hostel is great, BUT no internet and no washing machine is killing me. If any of you happen to have some beautiful room available for rent, please send it my way.

Another week, another hundreds of patients to cure. That’s right. It’s all about saving lives

all grown up

Strangely enough that was my old blog title.

You never know how good being a student is until you’ve start working. Honestly speaking it’s the same with everything. You don’t know you have it good until you’ve lost it.

Don’t worry, I’m not getting sappy about some lost love relationship. I’m just talking about having free time. At the rate I’m going, I’ve already lost a few kilos and my eye sight has deteriorated. I actually changed the lens in my glasses. If I start balding, well you know why.

However, with all the weird, bad experiences that I have gone through over this week, I’m continuing to believe that I am here for a reason and nothing else. It’s easy to be bogged down by questions like, “Why did you come back?” or when the work load gets tough, and you feel like you are doing more of clerkship then practicing like a doctor. Not that I have too many complains, seeing that I’ve forgotten most of patient managing. I’m relearning everything.

On the funny side, I’ve had quite a number of patients and nurses asking me, whether I’m married. Then, if I’m still single. OR why are you not married yet?

The first few times I just entertained. These days, I just run if I can, along the lines of, “Oops, have something else to do.”

That’s all from me for now. No deep insights YET. Still processing. For all those IMU ppl who are on hols, please do something useful. Resting purposefully is definitely important, but don’t just idle around all day long in front of the TV and say I’m taking a break Spend time with your family by talking to them and doing things with them.

away

Yes, yes. I’ve been away. For much too long. It’s not something I can help as my current place (of temporary residence has no internet). Even as we speak, I’m in a cyber cafe, typing my thoughts out.

Anyhow, this would be a good time as any to tell anyone who still reads this blog from time to time, that I will be posted to Seremban for housemanship. So life as a working adult officially begins next week for me.

As for the past weeks, it’s been long. Been interesting. Don’t have much time to think about anything else, but what’s next on my time slot. However, many new perspectives to leadership, this country, the government, life as it will be from now on.

Will not write anymore for now, as I’m not at the most comfortable place to project my thoughts. (unless of course, you consider a smoke filled cyber cafe to be a conducive place).

Hope everyone else is doing well. Will write more soon. I hope….

sacrifice

What does this word mean to you? Would you sacrifice anything for something?

What is too big of a price to pay for a sacrifice?

If a person is dear to you, would you do anything for that person? To what extent?

sacrifice |ˈsakrəˌfīs| =  (noun) an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy

For the sake of something more important. Not to the extent of murder, but would you be willing to give what you feel is your most prized possession for the sake of others?

He did. He has.

Will we?

to what extent…

would you go to make sure that your actions do not stumble others? To what extent, would you stop defending yourself or the things you do when questioned? Even when you know it’s okay through and through. Not even talking about the whole relative good thing, but that it truly doesn’t bring harm to anyone, even yourself. Or so we think.

Romans 14:16 Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil.

Unfortunately, it’s tough for us to see this sometimes. We so believe that we are doing is right that we forget it can lead others to think otherwise.

I think what really struck me was when pork was rejected by a person who by all means could eat it, but refused, as not to stumble the people he wants to reach. (Hence, I’m not talking about agreement to stealing from the rich or saying it’s okay to watch porn) Knowing that eating all food that has been sanctified by God is okay, but still not doing it so that it does not stumble others, is really what I’m trying to put forward.

Do not let something that’s good (not just what we feel is good, but know of that is good) be looked upon as evil just because we want to prove a point.

Is that somewhat clear?

who you are is important, and you make a difference

Don’t let anyone tell you, you any less, or let anyone look down on you. Because you make a difference.

1 Tim 4:12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

at 4 in the morning

What do you do in four in the morning, when you’ve just got back from a boardgames night and your head’s feeling all messed up?

You blog.

What is it with the mind sometimes that works logic, while the heart plays with emotions? And who gets the better of it? The heart is like the little puppy that gnaws away at whatever plan or reasoning that has been laid out.

Yes. The heart is deceptive. It tells you things that you want to hear. It yearns for things it cannot get, and makes it even harder when the situation is hard enough. What is it with wants and desires anyways? Especially when it makes one stumble over something that they never want to quite part with, or to even begin to own?

It will soon be my mantra: “The heart is lying, only the brain is truthful.”

I do sometimes wonder if that will really help the mind overcome the heart.